Oscillations

Dear Diary,

Oscillations are only fun if you do them right. Oscillating feelings are no fun at all. Oscillating moods are no fun either. I really feel as though I don't know what's happening at all. At times, I feel rather hopeless. It is rather depressing, but life goes on, I try to focus on the positive aspects, the little joys.

I know that people are always here for me, but somehow, I can't accept them, their help, I'm too strong of a woman to accept anything like that. It's not me to want help, it's not me to explain how I feel, what I like, what I need.

You have to figure me out, the hard way.

I think that with love, there are also oscillations. At times, I feel very much in love, as though the entire world can't begin disrupt what I feel.

Other times, however, I feel cold, a tad detached, a bit tired, slightly restless, aching for a bite of, just a slice of that old, cynical me.

Don't get me wrong, I am still in love. It just oscillates, leaves me feeling strangely unhappily empty on some days.

I wish I could stop feeling so strained,
Z