Equilibrium

This is the worse sort of equilibrium.

It's been two years, but nothing about me has changed. It's as though I've stepped out of the time tunnel, and looked in, into the lives of others, changing, shifting, while I myself stay the same.

I'm not angry. Just ambivalent. Not even sad.
I wanted to change, morph, I'm still young, right?

I guess I'm just so jealous of everyone, and how beautifully they've coped with everything, while I'm still struggling with my decisions. They're getting married, they're having the time of their lives, they're doing xyz. I don't want to live like this forever. I don't even want to live like them. There's so many things I want to do, so many beautiful affairs I'd like to live out. I want to really live before I get old. There's so many things out there and I feel so tied down.

I don't want what I wanted before anymore.

I don't believe in prince charming and his stupid whore. I just want to live freely, watch sad movies, drink, and be successful.

More importantly, I just want to be happy.