They

Dear Diary,

They're at it again. Breaking up, making up, fighting, yelling, screaming, crying. Displaying their passion, making me wonder, making me a fraction jealous, a fraction sad. Is this what I should be doing? Is this how it's supposed to work?

I don't want to know.

Sometimes I wish she'd just shut up. She is cheating on him, you know? She has a brand new boyfriend, yet she continues tells him that she loves him. I hate her mess, my head hurts for her. She told me in the beginning of the school year that they were going to get engaged and get married.

Funny how that changed so fast. In just a semester and a half, her world flipped upside down.

Sometimes I wish that I had a fraction of their passion. It's not that I want to fight, or that I want the drama. I enjoy the relative lack of drama, I enjoy our life, I enjoy my time with him, but it feels so strange.

I don't like this general feeling. I don't like these things, and I hate talking about it. Is it because we'm too good at compromising? Is it because I love him too much? Is it because I won't say a word?

I am the epitome of a traditional Chinese woman. Silent, demure, with a slight masochistic edge.

Yet I yearn to be so much more.
Z